Open The Door For Love

Words by Te-Erika

There’s an old saying floating from earlobe to earlobe that says, “You can’t have love unless you first love yourself.”

I hate that old saying!

It always annoys me when I hear it. I do love myself dammit! I think I’m hot! I think I’m smart. I know I’m a good catch, now all I need is for someone ELSE to notice it besides me!

But after many years of heartache while I kept thinking, ‘No one loves me. No one wants to be with me.’ One day, I woke up.

I looked around and realized that there had in fact been many men who have loved me, but because they weren’t what I was looking for, I had completely disregarded their love.

These men were willing to spend time with me, whisper sweet things in my ear and give me the treatment that I desired but I couldn’t receive those things because I was very much focused on the specific way I wanted them to appear.

I wouldn’t budge when it came to the type of man that I allowed into my life. If he wasn’t a successful businessman, a bit nerdy and at the same time extremely creative and driven, he couldn’t even get my real name. Hello there, I’m Anastasia.

How many free meals did I pass up while waiting for my dream guy? How many nights of laughter did I miss out on? How many friendships could I have developed if I wasn’t so stuck on my particular vision?

While I am not an advocate of leading people on if you have no interest in them, I AM an advocate of receiving the blessings that flow into your life regardless of the giver.

Sometimes you can block the flow of blessings when you are not a grateful receiver. Just because Mr. Too Tall For Me wants to take me to the movies, doesn’t mean that I am tied to him forever. Just because Mr. Too Complacent wants to enjoy a quiet evening in front of the television doesn’t mean that we have to get married the next day.

Say to yourself: I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do. I define the level of my relationships clearly and consistently. I do not have to give more than I want to. If someone wants to show me love, all I owe them is a gracious Thank You.

If there are people in your life who want to show you love, why won’t you let them? Instead you sit and sulk wondering why love has passed you by.

You must understand that since you are attractive, witty and personable, others are bound to notice it too. Don’t hide that light from people just because you deem them unworthy. Go out, have fun, enjoy their company and adoration. Allow them to bask in the glow of your companionship which will benefit the both of you.

Love yourself enough to accept the love that is being offered to you on the many different levels that it presents itself. You deserve it, you desire it and, most importantly, by being open to receive it, you will fling the gates wide open for your fantasy love to appear and grow simply because you are open to receive it, in whatever form it comes.

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The Art of Giving Perfect Love

Words by Te-Erika

We experience many types of love throughout our lives:

Love based on common interests - Wow. She loves sports as much as I do.

Love based on attraction - Yowsa! I really love doing it with him.

Or maybe even love that grows as time goes by - I really didn’t like him at first but we’ve spent so much time together that I’ve become comfortable with who he is and who I am when I’m with him.

All of these love experiences add to a grand existence and may lead to the type of love we all dream about but are hesitant to believe really exists; Perfect Love.

Most romantics will associate the word love with emotions and attraction; we want that head over heels feeling of butterflies and shooting stars, but I consider love to be an expression of consistent, supportive action snugly intertwined with positive emotion.

Since I’ve experienced all kinds of love that have added to my life in both positive and negative ways, I decided to seek out a different kind of love, a Perfect Love.

PERFECT LOVE: There’s no real definition since the subject matter is subjective, however from my point of view Perfect Love exists when the giver allows care, concern and support to flow freely with no thought of receiving anything in return, regardless of the circumstance. It exists only to aid in the improvement of the receiver’s life, also adding joy and comfort.

Why is it important to learn to give Perfect Love? Wouldn’t you want to receive the same? If we operate under the law of reaping and sowing, we know that what we give, we will receive. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we had a companion who loved us in spite of and because of who we are, even during our most troubling times? If that is what we want, why would it be difficult to give the same to another person?

When involved in this type of love experience, on both ends, the receiver and the giver remain in a joyful state because each one has the happiness and satisfaction of the other as their main priority. When two people are truly focused on raising each other’s satisfaction levels without focusing on their own, the couple strikes a balance that is miraculous in nature, reveling in appreciation that someone else cares enough to hold their needs so close to their heart.

If giving Perfect Love is your desire, it is important to:

1. Look at yourself as a gift to the other person. Gifts always make us feel great and they add something to our lives that makes them better.
2. Be consistent. When you turn on your faucet, the water will flow. A Perfect Love is just like that, it is not halted by emotion or circumstances.
3. Never ask, “What do I get out of this?” Perfect Love wants nothing in return. Perfect Love sees the happiness of the receiver as their reward.

Giving Perfect Love is the most selfless decision that you can make. It takes a special person who is rooted in self love and who also fully appreciates the joy of giving. The reward for giving Perfect Love is internal satisfaction and that kind of satisfaction is matchless.

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Why Haven't I Found True Love Yet?

Words by Te-Erika

You’re (insert your age here) years old and everyone seems to be linked up but you. You look in the mirror and notice that you aren’t that different from everyone else. You’re smart, you’re funny and you’re available. Why hasn't love knocked on your door then?

The answer to these 3 questions may give you a clue.

1) Do I really believe it can happen for me?

Well…Do you? If there’s even an inkling of doubt then you may need to be a break for a little self assessment in your immediate future.

What is it about you that forces you to believe that true love doesn’t exist? Is it a lack of a role model for love? Just as unique and distinct your desires are, no one person is a model for how your life will end up. Make a decision that you are living your life for YOU and don’t judge yourself by the failures of others. If you do, you’ll only repeat their mistakes.

Your belief in attracting true love is directly affecting your ability to receive it. Change your thoughts. Repeated thoughts become beliefs. Instead of repeating, “No one will ever satisfy me,” try saying, “I will receive the love I deserve.” If you say it enough, you will believe it and the confidence you exude will attract the right person.

2) Am I as in love with myself as I’d like for my true love to be?

Who are you? Are you a man who is 4 feet tall? Do you smell like corn chips in the morning? Do you enjoy reading the television guide for fun? Do you think you’re weird because you’re into S&M and no one you know is?

Well, guess what? Those things that you may keep out of the public eye are probably what will attract your true love to you!

Be yourself. I’m serious. Love those crazy, zany things about you. I, for one, love nerdy men. Yes, I said it. I LOVE NERDS. Though most won’t believe me when I express my attraction to them, I am sincere.

Somewhere out there, there is a woman who is hungry to meet a man who giggles like a schoolgirl. She’ll think it’s hilarious! Somewhere out there, there is a man who is dreaming about meeting a woman who weighs 300 pounds and loves to cook. She reminds him of his Mom.

There’s a true love for you who will, as my friend Richanda used to say, “Love your dirty draws…” So appreciate yourself for what you bring to the world and as you begin to emit those vibes of gratitude, the world and your true love, will love you back.

3) Am I at a point in my life that my lifestyle reflects my desire to be in a long-term, committed relationship?

When you daydream about your fantasy life with your true love, what does it look like? What are you doing in your career? Where do you live? How do you treat each other?

Now take a look at your current circumstances. Does what you see reflect where you want to be? I’m not saying that you have to be the person in the fantasy right now, some true love experiences will be the guiding force to help you get there, but I am saying that where you are now should be somewhere in the vicinity of where you want to be.

Do you have a home for your future family to live in? Are you a capable and stable provider? Are you emotionally ready to support and encourage the true love you have been hoping for?

Are you still dating around, allowing various people to sample the fruit that should be reserved for your true love? End the parade of waste in your life and focus on becoming the type of person you see in your fantasy. Take a parenting class or sign up for cooking classes or maybe even get that degree that will allow you to build the business that you’ve been dreaming of.

Wait! Don't lose hope...

What can I do now?

Clean Your Slate
Remove all people and associations that would detract from the health of your future relationship.

Become The Person You Want To Love You
Do you want someone who is funny? Laugh more.
Do you want someone who is understanding? Be more patient with your friends and family.
Do you want someone who is educated? Get more education.
Do you want someone who is outgoing? Join a social group.

By actively becoming the type of person that you want in your life, you will find that you are consistently around people who have the same interests therefore tripling your chances of running into your true love.

Imagine This
Act as though you have already received what you have been waiting for. Buy double the amount of toothpaste. Set an extra plate for dinner. Reserve Friday nights for date night with your true love and go out and do things that you would like to do with that person.

Imagine what it will feel like to touch, to kiss, to hang out, to laugh. Use your imagination to carve out just what you’d like your life to be like and actively EXPECT it to come to pass. Rejoice every day until it does...and never fear, if you TRULY believe, your belief will force your wish into fruition.

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Recognizing Love In Your Atmosphere

Words by Te-Erika

It is possible that you have closed off your heart due to some failed attempt at love. You may have vowed never to risk the pain again causing you to run away from anything that even looks like it could potentially chip away at your stone heart.

Although you have stood your ground, back firmly pressed against the door, refusing to let love in, allow me to share a few signs that love has not escaped you.

1. You receive a package from a family member and you unwrap it finding that t-shirt that you had been admiring on the internet.
2. You receive a phone call and someone shares their good news with you.
3. Your car breaks down and your neighbor shows up to help you fix it.
4. You can’t seem to understand the directions to the new laptop you just bought and your friend stays on the phone with you until you figure it out.
5. You rant and rave about how hurt you are over your last relationship and someone listens, affirms you and gives you a hug.
6. A co-worker stops by your desk just to say hello and tease you about your new shoes.
7. You were fearful about sharing the newly set goals for your life but when you do, your friend smiles at you and tells you that you are well on your way to becoming a millionaire.
8. You order food from a familiar restaurant and when you receive your purchase the cashier has added extra sauce and napkins because he remembers that you always ask for them.

Love comes in many forms. Don’t allow the absence of your perceived love to negate the small signs that love really is all around you.

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Teach Me How To Love with Musiq Soulchild

Words by Te-Erika

The first verse of the lyrics of Musiq’s emotional R&B ballad Teach Me read:

I was told the true definition of a man was to never cry
Work til you die (Yeah)
Got to provide (Yeah)
Always be the rock for my fam
Protect them by all means
And give you the things that you need, baby
Our relationship is suffering
Tryna give you what I never had
You say I don’t know how to love you, babe
Well, I say show me the way
I keep my feelings deep inside
I shadow them with my pride
I’m trying desperately,
Baby, just work with me


Here’s a man who speaks on a subject that few men ever would; his internal battle with what society has told him he should be versus what he knows he needs to do in order to make his significant other happy.

His problem lies with the fact that he can not love her completely simply because he has never been shown how to love. Somewhere along his childhood he was raised instead of loved. He was conditioned instead of loved. He was taught instead of loved.

We must remember that as we attempt to guide our children into an honorable adulthood, discipline is important, strength is important, but LOVE, pure love, is the greatest lesson we will ever teach them.

When a child learns to love without fear, by experiencing fearless love, that child is armed with the most important tool necessary for success. Who can resist a gift given in love? Who can turn away from a service offered with love? Who would dare to turn their back on the warmth of a sincere smile and a heart that is willing to love unconditionally?

Many hustle to achieve success. Many struggle to achieve success. But those whose perfect love for what they desire guides them to success, experience the fullness of the combination of love and success, which is bliss.

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From The Editor- Giving & Receiving Love

Dear Dreamers,

Someone wise once wrote, “The greatest thing you'll every learn, is just to love and be loved in return....”

Deep inside our heart of hearts, our greatest fear and greatest desire is rooted in love. We walk into a room full of people we don’t know and our eyes scan the crowd hoping to find acceptance, approval, attraction, warmth.

Our fear of never finding these things may cause us to put up a shield that pretends that we don’t care about love, but we all do.

Our fears are rooted in insecurity when we magnify our idiosyncrasies, somehow mistaking them for flaws.

But what are flaws really when you think about the grand scheme of individuality? Our flaws (unique traits) are merely distinct markings that allow us to be recognized by those in the same family of love. By “family” I mean, those who have shared similar experiences or interests.

If you are a single mother and are afraid that no man will love you because you have failed at your first relationship, someone in your family of love may be a man who was raised by a single mom and wants to offer the same love and support that he wishes his mom had received.

If you were in an accident and as a result now carry a burn mark on your body, someone in your family of love may be someone who lost a relative in an accident and would embrace loving you because you are a survivor.

Giving and receiving love are two different sides of the same coin. Before you can receive love, you must first learn how to give love, perfectly and completely with no hidden motives.

Join us as we spend time exploring the things that hinder us from giving and receiving love. Be refreshed by our step by step guide to receiving the love you desire. Break free from fears of being hurt by daring to love fearlessly.

Grow with me.

Love with me.

In Love,

Te-Erika

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