Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
How to Break Into Plus-Size Modeling
By Grace Hill
In the United States, plus sizes are considered to start with a size 14. While in the past this market was sorely under served - even though it makes up a bigger than average market share of adults buying clothes - in recent years the fashion world has acknowledged that it is time to include plus size models in their lineups. Initially some clothing houses would use taller models to wear plus sized clothing on photo shoots, but since this alienated customers instead of enticing them to buy the clothing lines, garment manufacturers have begun to use models with larger busts, waists, and also hips.
What does it take to be a plus size model?
Finding out how to break in plus sized modeling is a goal of many fashion mavens who do not fit the painfully thin requirements placed on other models. Overall, a prospective model should have flawless skin, shiny hair, and excellent teeth. The smile should show itself to be genuine on camera, and the person must possess a certain photogenic appearance that plays well to the lens. The work such a model may find could be photo shoots, in house work for specific clothing houses, and also commercials seen on television. In some cases a clothing manufacturer may also create a calendar featuring one or more models.
Present Yourself to the Pros
Hopeful applicants should sign up with one or more of the modeling agencies that cater to the plus size garment market and its makers, and the presentation of a professionally designed modeling portfolio and headshot is a must. These agencies are usually the only means for connecting with major garment line manufacturers and professionals putting on catwalk shows, and failure to be professionally represented can hurt a would-be model's hope for exposure. Another way to break into the plus size modeling field is by way of casting calls. These are sometimes offered by movie houses, television channels for upcoming shows, and also the fashion industry when there are shoots that show extras in the backgrounds. These are excellent means of being discovered by an industry insider.
Get Lucky and Send Some Snapshots
Some models also found entrance into this competitive modeling field simply by sending photos to magazines or e-zines. Although this is a hit or miss proposition, getting the face and body recognition - as well as the credit for the sake of the modeling portfolio - is a good choice; keep in mind that you want to stick with smaller companies when you do so. Failure to heed this advice may get your photo published in a major competitor's branch magazine, and other powerhouses might not want to work with you after having your likeness used by a competitor. Do your homework and find out who owns the magazine or e-zine prior to sending in your photos for possible publication.
Not all of us can be models, but you can at least have style like one. At http://www.plus-size-clothing.org we have been creating fashion articles and advice that helps the everyday fuller figured woman play up her best features. From tips on choosing a slimmingplus size tunic style top to choosing the right cut of jeans for your shape... and we always have more advice coming.
Read more!
What does it take to be a plus size model?
Finding out how to break in plus sized modeling is a goal of many fashion mavens who do not fit the painfully thin requirements placed on other models. Overall, a prospective model should have flawless skin, shiny hair, and excellent teeth. The smile should show itself to be genuine on camera, and the person must possess a certain photogenic appearance that plays well to the lens. The work such a model may find could be photo shoots, in house work for specific clothing houses, and also commercials seen on television. In some cases a clothing manufacturer may also create a calendar featuring one or more models.
Present Yourself to the Pros
Hopeful applicants should sign up with one or more of the modeling agencies that cater to the plus size garment market and its makers, and the presentation of a professionally designed modeling portfolio and headshot is a must. These agencies are usually the only means for connecting with major garment line manufacturers and professionals putting on catwalk shows, and failure to be professionally represented can hurt a would-be model's hope for exposure. Another way to break into the plus size modeling field is by way of casting calls. These are sometimes offered by movie houses, television channels for upcoming shows, and also the fashion industry when there are shoots that show extras in the backgrounds. These are excellent means of being discovered by an industry insider.
Get Lucky and Send Some Snapshots
Some models also found entrance into this competitive modeling field simply by sending photos to magazines or e-zines. Although this is a hit or miss proposition, getting the face and body recognition - as well as the credit for the sake of the modeling portfolio - is a good choice; keep in mind that you want to stick with smaller companies when you do so. Failure to heed this advice may get your photo published in a major competitor's branch magazine, and other powerhouses might not want to work with you after having your likeness used by a competitor. Do your homework and find out who owns the magazine or e-zine prior to sending in your photos for possible publication.
Not all of us can be models, but you can at least have style like one. At http://www.plus-size-clothing.org we have been creating fashion articles and advice that helps the everyday fuller figured woman play up her best features. From tips on choosing a slimmingplus size tunic style top to choosing the right cut of jeans for your shape... and we always have more advice coming.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Your Fantasy: Learning How To Argue Productively
Words By Te-Erika Patterson
If you’re a living being on planet Earth at some point you’ve had a heated discussion with another person whose opinion was different from your own. These heated discussions become arguments when the people involved are focused more on proving that they are right than gaining a firm understanding of what the other person is saying/feeling and expressing their differences in way that brings both parties to a mutual understanding of what they believe individually.
If you are engaged in a conversation where the other party does not agree with your point of view you should care about preserving the respect and integrity of the relationship despite the difference in opinion.
If you don’t care about the person’s feelings or view you might:
1. Behave immaturely by calling them names like DUMB or STUPID BITCH.
2. Scream at them.
3. Demonstrate inactive listening by cutting them off while they are speaking.
4. Focus your eyes on their mouths to see when they pause so you can get your words out.
5. Hang up in their face and send insulting text messages immediately. (If you’re on the phone.)
6. Walk away while they are talking.
No one involved in such an immature discussion will benefit from it. Negative emotions are running rampant and there’s no turning back unless you take control of the situation by:
1. Lowering your voice so that the other person is forced to lower their voice in order to hear you.
2. Understanding that their viewpoint is just as important as yours.
3. Listening to what they are saying and trying to understand why they feel that way.
Read more!
If you are engaged in a conversation where the other party does not agree with your point of view you should care about preserving the respect and integrity of the relationship despite the difference in opinion.
If you don’t care about the person’s feelings or view you might:
1. Behave immaturely by calling them names like DUMB or STUPID BITCH.
2. Scream at them.
3. Demonstrate inactive listening by cutting them off while they are speaking.
4. Focus your eyes on their mouths to see when they pause so you can get your words out.
5. Hang up in their face and send insulting text messages immediately. (If you’re on the phone.)
6. Walk away while they are talking.
No one involved in such an immature discussion will benefit from it. Negative emotions are running rampant and there’s no turning back unless you take control of the situation by:
1. Lowering your voice so that the other person is forced to lower their voice in order to hear you.
2. Understanding that their viewpoint is just as important as yours.
3. Listening to what they are saying and trying to understand why they feel that way.
Don't Say: That's some off the wall mess you're talking. No one thinks the way you do.
Say: “I understand that you feel that XYZ. I can see why you would feel that way.”
This helps by validating their feelings which will immediately cause the other person to become less defensive leading them to be more receptive to listening to your view.
This helps by validating their feelings which will immediately cause the other person to become less defensive leading them to be more receptive to listening to your view.
4. Asking questions about their view. One of the most simple desires of this human life is to be heard and understood. When you take the time to question them in a non aggressive way, you actually satisfy that desire and allow them to express their opinion and even re consider if they want to continue to hold that viewpoint.
Don’t Say: What the hell is wrong with you? That’s a dumb idea!
Say: I’m not sure if I agree with that. Why do you feel that way?
5. Changing the conversation with a joke and a compliment. This infuses love and laughter into the situation and you can carry on with your relationship in a healthy way.
Don’t Say: Your crazy ass needs to go see a therapist! (That’s not funny. It’s hurtful.)
Say: Even though there’s no way I would do what you’re about to do, I still think you’re sexy.
Don’t Say: What the hell is wrong with you? That’s a dumb idea!
Say: I’m not sure if I agree with that. Why do you feel that way?
5. Changing the conversation with a joke and a compliment. This infuses love and laughter into the situation and you can carry on with your relationship in a healthy way.
Don’t Say: Your crazy ass needs to go see a therapist! (That’s not funny. It’s hurtful.)
Say: Even though there’s no way I would do what you’re about to do, I still think you’re sexy.
Make friends. Be nice. Make love.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Your Fantasy: Learning How To Pray
By Te-Erika PattersonWhy do we pray?
Praying is such an intimate time which is why most people pray in secret because they don’t want anyone to know what is really in their hearts and what they really desire or fear. We pray when we need answers, guidance or peace of mind through a sticky situation.
When a phone call to a friend won’t help or the negative thoughts keep flooding in, most times we use prayer as a last resort. If we can’t help ourselves then maybe there is someone, somewhere, that can help.
All prayers are valid and do have an effect on our lives, but my theory on the reason why our prayers affect us may be a bit different from yours.
Who do we pray to?
Most people pray to a concept of a being that is on a higher level than we are spiritually and physically. Many languages and traditions have various names for this ‘being’ but I believe they are one and the same.
Praying to a higher power is helpful to those who want to relieve the stress of complete responsibility for the choices they make in their lives or the situations they face. It also helps to heal the emotional wounds for those of us who do not have anyone in our lives who will act as a protector or provide guidance.
As a social constructionist and existentialist I believe that we all adopt beliefs that help us to make sense of the unanswered questions in our lives. Every one of our beliefs is a CHOICE and we have the right to believe what we want to believe.
Some people choose to believe what others have taught them without question or self seeking. If those inherited beliefs provide peace of mind and inspiration then you are on the right track.
How do we pray?
Besides the ritual prayers that we are taught by those who influence us, we all have a prayer ritual that we may never notice. Even those who don’t believe in the concept of God send up prayers everyday.
How? It’s quite simple. Here is the key concept that I want you to understand.
Believe it or not…
OUR THOUGHTS ARE OUR PRAYERS
Have you ever been thinking about a person and then you hear from them immediately after?
Have you ever had your worst fear come to fruition?
Have you ever taken the time to imagine a scenario and then shortly thereafter the situation occurred just as you thought it would?
Although you may brush these incidents off as pure coincidence, I believe that your thoughts were actually energetic prayers that pulled these situations into existence.
The things we meditate on often materialize in our lives through our perception of events and circumstances. This is seen most often when a person has an emotional expectation of an outcome of a situation and then later realizes that their expectations were true. Your expectations for your lives will ALWAYS be true simply because…
Our thoughts are our prayers.
Our thoughts mirror our expectations for our lives.
Our expectations transform our perception of the events and circumstances we face thereby affecting our reactions and interactions when dealing with the event or circumstance.
Example:
A woman named Susie is overwhelmed by the tumultuous relationship she has with her mother. She doesn’t see her mother all the time, just on the rare occasion when her mother calls and asks her to stop by to bring her a bottle of wine or a certain book. Susie can barely remember a day when her mother was nice to her. She says all of her mother’s words are spiteful and abusive and that her mother will never change.
On this particular day Susie received a phone call from her mother early in the morning. Her mother was out shopping and asked to meet Susie for lunch because she wanted to talk to her. For the rest of the morning Susie imagined what it would be like to sit and have lunch with her Mom. She knew that her mother would criticize her clothes, her taste in men and belittle her career choice. She imagined that they would end the luncheon in a heated argument and spend the next month or so avoiding each other.
By the time Susie sat down at the deli near her job, she was on edge. As her mother approached, saddled with packages from her morning shopping spree, Susie rolled her eyes and looked away.
Her mother noticed this reaction to her presence and immediately tensed up. Instead of sharing the exciting news of the cruise she was about to go on, she sat down quietly and barely said hello, wondering why her daughter was always so upset with her.
“I’ve never known you to be a girl who wears yellow,” her mother remarked as she eyed her daughter.
“This is some bullshit Mom! Did you call me here to berate me in front of everyone?!” Susie asked, raising her voice.
“What are you talking about Susie? I just made a comment about your blouse,” her mother replied curtly as she lowered her gaze to look at the menu.
“Don’t do that! I know what you’re thinking. I know you hate John and you want me to leave him! I know you think I’m stupid for being a dog groomer but I happen to love my job! I know what you’re going to say!” Susie belted out as she stood up and grabbed her purse. “And guess what? I don’t have to listen to any of it!”
What happened here? Were Susie’s expectations correct or did her expectations shape her perception of what her mother said?
What were Susie’s expectations based on? Her thoughts and fears.
All morning Susie sent out powerful prayers through her thoughts. Those feelings she meditated on with intense emotion consumed her entire being affecting her work and her mood.
If Susie’s prayers had been more upbeat and positive then she would have interacted and reacted differently, which would have caused her mother to interact differently with her.
When we choose to focus our thoughts on a specific situation or outcome with intense emotion, we are praying for those thoughts to come true. Ask and you shall receive, says the Bible. If you believe in the Bible then you should understand that we ask for things by focusing our attention on them and meditating on them.
But what if it’s a bad thought? I don’t really want those to come true, but they do anyway. How can I stop it?
How To Pray
When you find yourself becoming sucked in by the negative energy of a fear or negative expected outcome, change your internal conversation. Learn how to make your prayers really work for you. You can do so by:
1) Create a trigger word that immediately shifts your thought process- For example, whenever I found myself offering prayers that were not beneficial to me I would immediately say aloud STOP. This became so commonplace that people thought I was weird, which I am, but I’d rather be considered weird then to send out those powerful prayers of doom.
2) Spend time praying your pleasure- There is a beautiful scenario in your mind that you have never before dared to meditate on. For some reason you don’t believe you deserve it and you’ve actually talked yourself out of wanting this thing to happen. You now have my permission to fantasize about this dream of yours. Fantasize. Dive into it. Wallow in it. Have as much fun as you want. Be playful with it.
3) Change your conversations- My friends and I used to have these marathon complaining sessions where we competed to see who was being treated the worst and whose life was more hopeless. It seemed taboo to discuss anything good. In fact, when we had good news to share, we usually shared at the END of the conversation while all the drama was shared first. Subconsciously, I believe that this led to us re working our perception of events and conversations, just so we could have something to add to the Doom Fest. Talk about what you want to happen instead of what you don’t want. You may have to change your friends or your friends may be receptive enough to grasp what you are learning and join in the fun of positive prayers and conversations.
4) Turn on the light- Even in the midst of a sticky situation it may seem like a good idea to sit in the dark, light candles and cry your eyes out, begging God to rescue you from your current ordeal. Instead, turn on the light, think about what you would like to happen for 2 minutes and then let go of your negative expectation. Promise yourself that as long as there is light in the world, your prayers will reflect that light.
Your thoughts are your most effective prayers. Learn how to pray your best life and rejoice as every delightful prayer is answered.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Embrace Your Fantasy: Life Coaching For Men
Do you need a woman in your life...
...who believes in you and is educated and savvy enough to support you in your dreams? Are you tired of women who don’t listen to you and are always looking for a hand out? Are you ready to re arrange your life by adding the one key ingredient that will catapult you to the next level in your success?
Are you ready for a real woman to support you in your dreams?
Are you ready for a real woman to support you in your dreams?
MY GIFT TO YOU
Embrace Your Fantasy: Life Coaching For Men
For the man who needs that soothing touch to kick start his most fulfilling life!
About Me:
I am an inspirational journalist and success coach who is currently completing my masters in Marriage/Family/Couples Counseling. I am also an entertainment journalist and entertainment host in Miami, Florida. For most of my life I have developed relationships with men who have said that knowing me has changed their life in a magnificent way.
For years I never realized that the value that I add to the lives of the men and women around me was so significant. My ability to help them to recognize the root of the issue that is blocking them from achieving their goals along with my nurturing and supportive conversations, excercises and challenges have helped many to reshape their beliefs and achieve their dreams but I considered it, “Just being a friend.”
My friendships are long and strong and people trust me to accept them unconditionally and to support them in their lifestyle of choice. With my Embrace Your Fantasy: Life Coaching For Men, I hope to share that same support and encouragement with men from all walks of life.
I believe that women are the backbones of our communities while the men are the head and shoulders. If we can learn to support our men in their goals by building them up in sincerity instead of tearing them down and criticizing them, they would be able to accomplish more and take better care of our families.
I am a student of metaphysics, the law of attraction and I am consistently inspired by eastern philosophies and positive thought writers like Florence Scovel Shinn, Mahatma Ghandi and Norman Vincent Peale. I enjoy doing energy work and coming up with creative ways to inspire people to love their lives. My method of counseling is based on the solution focused brief therapy model and accentuated by the narrative therapy model.
My background and interest in relationship counseling, personal development and inspirational writing, along with my affinity for studying success stories and helping others to achieve their goals will place you in the care of someone who has a sincere heart for helping others learn to create peace and appreciation for the lives they have and the life they have yet to live.
My goal is to help you to rediscover your inner Superman and maintain peace of mind during your life journey. I offer the kind of support that you would want from a woman in an inspirational and nurturing yet straight forward way.
Services
Inspirational Coaching
Creative Business Development
Relationship Counseling
Personal Development Coaching
You Can:
Learn how to let go of a past relationship
Learn to accept your body the way it is
Develop a game plan for accomplishing your ultimate goal
Learn to believe in yourself
Change the way you perceive your life
Stress less and smile more
Have a woman in your life who believes in you and will support you in your goals
Confidential telephone and in person coaching sessions available.
Do not hesitate to see if I have the magic touch. Browse through past articles and videos at www.te-erika.blogspot.com and then Email me at teerika@gmail.com to schedule your free consultation.
Who cares?
I do.
Call me.
~ Te-Erika
Read more!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Your Fantasy: Transforming Your Job Into Your Fantasy
By Khaya J. Myers
Being a creative person comes with its share of ups and downs. More often than not, many of those downs land us in the dreaded world of corporate America. The mere thought of riding the elevator day in and day out to make a living doing things you could care less about can be draining and downright depressing. However, there is a silver lining. There are ways to make the most out of doing your “time” in corporate America.
There are ways to fuel your creativity without losing your creative soul. The most important ingredient is you. You have to be uncompromising about the corporate atmosphere you enter. It is possible to find a happy medium while keeping your eyes on the prize. Not all corporate bosses or co-workers are dream killers. Once you find that corporate gem, try to incorporate these tips into your experience. They may seem simple, but they could possibly save you from the faux paus or anxieties many creative types make when they find themselves in the meantime.
1. Create a space for success.
Take a look around your cubicle. Do you like what you see? Are you inspired by the things you have placed in your personal space? Are there pictures of the people who support you there? Do you have any positive quotes, mantras, or pictures that remind you of who you really are? If not, TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOUR SPACE. Create a space that supports you and your life’s vision. Don't be afraid to take ownership because it lets others know you are invested in making the most of this experience. No, this isn't your last job, but it is the beginning of your greatest work. Remember: If you won't own the cubicle, how will you own your own creative masterpiece?
2. Show up early, leave a little later.
In corporate America, appearances are EVERYTHING!! Even showing up on time leaves you feeling a little uneasy. Creative types always feel as though they are being watched anyway. By showing up at least 30-45 minutes early, you give yourself time to adjust to being in your work space before the day gets busy and out of control. People will get to know you as the one who shows up early. Without uttering a single word, you already gain positive attention by simply showing up before others.
While you're at work early, you can take time to go over your intentions for the day. You also give yourself time to prioritize your workload and go over details to avoid mistakes. Maybe your boss likes his fave newspaper on his or her desk or a printed list of scheduled meetings. Drop if off early and when he or she shows up...they know they've hired someone who is on top of the game. And guess what? You can do all of this with ease because the office won't be as crowded. Another benefit of showing up early is that you'll get to know more people i.e. the early birds. You'll be able to make more positive work relationships because you'll have time to discuss shared interests, etc. This will certainly make up for the days when you just don’t feel like being bothered. In other words, they’ll be more likely to give you a pass.
Staying a little later shows that you care about your work. You don't have to do this everyday, but try to choose at least one or two late days per week. This will look good and it's always something you can add on to the oft-dreaded self-evaluations to show your commitment to success. It really goes a long way! Arriving earlier and leaving later will allow you to take care of some of your creative business endeavors as well. Oh and when you really need to save face eat at your desk. However, be sure take breaks to rejuvenate your spirit.
3. Make use of your mentor.
Choose someone who is sincere and successful in the corporate arena. Don't wait for the mentor to set up meetings with you. Be proactive! Copy your mentor on some work e-mails to give you tips on your communication skills. Ask for feedback without being afraid of hearing the answer. Truly look at this mentor-ship as an opportunity to succeed. Think about what kind of mentor you will be one day. Ask for insider tips. Mentors are mentors because they want to feel as though they are making a difference. Allow this person to make a difference in your world... However, avoid too much personal talk about past failures, family life, etc. LET THEM DO MOST OF THE TALKING, but be available, enthusiastic, appreciative, and ready to receive quality advice.
4. Don't fear your supervisor.
Talk to your supervisor. Compliment your supervisor on little things without being a brown noser. Let your supervisor know you are here to support their success. See that as a goal. How can I be effective in my role as a supporter of the team? Ask your supervisor for WEEKLY CHECK-INS to hear feedback on your progress. At the same time be aware of your own progress. Don't be afraid to highlight what you did RIGHT! In the end, this will give you more time to focus on your real goals while avoiding the fear of being fired.
5. Toot Your Own Horn.
Find ways to celebrate your successes and share them with your office. Send e-mails that your let your supervisor know how much you accomplished thanks to their guidance and support. Let him or her know that you'll be checking in regularly via e-mail or pop-ins.
Did you avoid mistakes today? Write it down. Did you organize something BEFORE you asked to do so? Write it down. Find a way to track your achievements. All great leaders have their low points, but they get back up over and over again. Why? Because they are invested in their own SUCCESS. Truth is, you're your best investment. You know the ins and outs better than anyone.
Are there any workshops you'd like to attend? Are there any meetings you'd like to be invited to learn more about the company, your role, etc? Can you offer to take notes at a meeting? This will help you spell corporate America's favorite word: I-N-I-T-I-A-T-I-V-E. You can't lose here. Even if they say no, you still get credit for trying. You offered, you win. Remember: Closed mouths, don't get fed.
Tooting your own horn will allow you to incorporate your creativity into areas of your work.
6. Hire your inner actor to fake the feelings until you’re safely at home.
Corporate environments can be stifling for highly creative people. However, you must remember that bringing your authentic feelings to work makes everyone uncomfortable. Hence the word work. No one is there simply because they love working for money. Yes, some are more enthusiastic than others. No one wants to know that you're sad, tired, scared, or anything else that might make them think they’ve dropped the ball.
Even if you have to go into the stall and cry. Just come out fighting and smiling!!!! Everyone will brand you as this happy, confident person. You'll hear things like, “Wow, I just love being around so and so. There’s something about so and so. " Sound familiar? Think about high school. Think of corporate America like high school with 401 K's.
7. Find someone you trust.
There's always someone who is down to earth and successful at what they do. Find that person. Go with your intuition. It doesn't matter what department, floor, or position they're in. They will give you small signals to let you know they're open to being your work buddy. We all need one. Again, remain appropriate. Never tell anyone you work with ANYTHING you wouldn't be comfortable with your boss knowing until the trust is cemented. This person will make days when you need a long lunch or a quick pep talk so much easier. Find them...they really do work there!
8. Dive into the uncomfortable.
We all have areas that scare us and make us fearful at work. Truth is, most of the things we worry about will never happen. However, the more we worry the more we self sabotage. You can only do what you can do. Period. Write down some of these scary areas. Ask yourself what your fear is and how you can tackle it slowly. Is there one person who gives you uncomfortable goose bumps? Do you feel judged? In the corporate world it’s the unspoken feelings that leave us feeling the most damaged. Remember: it’s all about building relationships. People need to be able to "vouch" for you.
9. Check your pay stub.
No really...look for your name! When all else fails, celebrate the fact that you got HIRED in the first place. These people said ‘yes’ to you when there were other candidates. Want to know the number one reason people get hired? Because the employer thinks that this person would be an asset to the environment i.e. fun to work with! Be fun! After all, you are your greatest advertisement.
Truth is, they believe in you. This is now your community. Embrace it. Be present. Instead of thinking about this time next year, think about today. When God has a new experience for you, He'll let you know.
10. Don’t stay longer than necessary.
How many times do ‘a means to an end’ turn into a dead end? Avoid that story. Be aware that your time in the corporate arena is limited, so move swiftly toward your independence. As a creative type, you are ready to be your own boss in some way, shape, or form. Believe it and receive it! It’s already yours!
11. Be open with the people you love outside of work.
Feel free to lean on your loved ones. They want you to succeed at work and in life. Ask them to remind you of your strengths. Ask them to help you affirm your Divine purpose. You don't need to perfect, you just need to be the best you possible. They are believers. Utilize them and find ways to spend time with them doing things you love. Believe that you exude confidence and inner strength. You really do!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Your Fantasy: Accentuating The Positive
Lately I’ve encountered several experiences that could have made me feel sad or down. Well, they did at first but I quickly got it together after a friend reminded me of the exception question.
As I journey through the philosophies of therapy, I’m studying narrative therapy which teaches us how to identify the “story” that people create about their lives. Whatever we want to believe about our lives, we will mentally search through our recollection and find evidence to support it.
For example: NO ONE LOVES ME.
Remember that time in 3rd grade when I was chosen last for the dodge ball game?
There was a time when Henry broke up with me to be with Suzy and I was so embarrassed.
Whenever I walk into a room no one notices and no one speaks to me.
I have been single for 10 years and I can’t even get a date.
Sound familiar?
Sure, when you look at the evidence cited you would have to include that no one loves you but are those really the ONLY experiences that you have had or are you choosing to highlight those experiences?
Has there ever been a time when you’ve experienced evidence that someone, somewhere, loved you?
Go ahead and think about it for a minute.
Have you ever received an award in school for effort or appreciation for your contribution to a project? That was your teachers way of showing she loves you.
Have you ever received a note from an admirer, even though you didn’t admire them back? That was love coming your way. You simply chose not to accept it.
Take the time to do a mental recount of the times when your current negative situation was non existent in your life.
I hate my job!
Were there ever moments of laughter in your workplace, even at the expense of other co workers?
You have to find the exception to the story you have created for yourself in order to accentuate the positive. Shifting your focus from what’s going wrong to what’s going right will help you to identify and maintain more of what’s going right. Find evidence that supports your most wonderful, positive story and string that evidence together to create your new story.
Try This...
The next time your computer acts up and you can’t log in and you’re thinking, “This computer sucks!” Walk away from your computer and sit down quietly…reminisce about all the fun you and your computer has had together. Give yourself a break as you laugh about all the fun you’ve had on twitter and all the friends you’ve reconnected with on facebook.
The next time you are angry with your significant other and you want to throw in the towel, stop and ask yourself, “Was there ever a time when I didn’t feel like this?” Focus on those good memories and decide if one argument or miscommunication is really worth erasing all of the good memories and potential memories.
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