I Let Him Go For God

Words by Te-Erika

When 26-year-old Miami resident, Marsha Griffiths met her boyfriend 4 years ago, sparks flew immediately. He was a top salesman at the company she had just joined and they found that they shared plenty of common interests.

Soon she found that they made all kinds of excuses to be together. They would eat at the best restaurants and go on trips, enjoying each other’s company. He was exactly the type of man she had hoped for. He was bright, articulate, successful and single with no children but he wanted a family someday.

The only thing missing was his desire to serve Christ.

“The Lord told me not to get into a relationship with him, but I didn’t listen,” Marsha says. She had spent a lifetime of cultivating a personal relationship with God and consistently desired to be closer to Him. But the desire for a wonderful man in the physical overpowered her desire to be obedient to what she believed God had told her.

When she examined his upbringing she noticed that his Mom was a missionary and his Father was a Minister so she felt that even if he didn’t go to church and outwardly serve God, he at least had the right foundation.

That foundation wasn’t strong enough to hold steady to the ideals presented in the Bible and before she could fight the feelings, their relationship became intimate.

“After we did the horizontal tango I tried to tell him that this wasn’t good for my relationship with Christ but he told me that we could work through this,” Marsha says.

“At that point in my life I wasn’t strong enough to say no. Based on the way we started it that’s how we were throughout the entire relationship- rocky.”

They went back and forth over the next 3 years, breaking up 4 times during that period. When it came to sex, sometimes she’d give in and sometimes she wouldn’t. She invited him to church on several occasions and he attended a few times. It was when he admitted that he had no urgent desire to put God first in his life that Marsha knew she was in trouble.

She told herself that she would continue to pray for him and he’d come around but it never happened.

“I struggled with ending the relationship because he wasn’t a bad person, he just wasn’t right for me,” she says. “You can not have two people in a relationship and one is in a covenant with God and one is not. We were unequally yoked.”

In July of 2006 she finally made the separation permanent as she promised God that she would never again put a man before serving Him.

These days she is happily single and waiting on God to introduce her to her husband. She’s not dealing with guilt or shame or the pressure of trying to pull a man into a relationship with Christ.

“I have faith that God will honor me by giving me a handsome, special man who loves and adores Him,” Marsha says. “What you give up for God, He will replace 100 times more.”

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Making Room For Your Soul Mate

After gathering the strength to end an unhealthy relationship, it’s time to focus on the brighter days ahead. Your life didn’t end, it’s just begun. Read the following article about manifesting your soul mate. You can transfer it’s theme to the perfect work environment or family relationship as well.

Words by Kausalya

After a long, draining week I decided to do something different with my Friday night. I attended a workshop called Manifesting Your Soul Mate by author and workshop leader Kathryn Alice.

“There is a lid for every pot. Nothing can keep your soul mate – your lid from you.”

Alice ’s words floated out over the crowd of 60 plus people assembled. I looked around the room of beautiful women (and even a few men) of all ages, sizes, and cultural backgrounds. We were all here for some hopeful news about our ever-elusive soul mates.

Alice explained that manifesting love is as easy as believing you have the power to welcome in your love. She said we must become comfortable with the idea that our soul mate is living and breathing somewhere on this planet right now.

After a love-call meditation, we had to choose partners. We took turns telling one another about our soul mates and why we loved them. Next, we had to tell our partners why our soul mates loved us. Finally, we had to describe what it was like to kiss our soul mates. At first, the exercise seemed a little strange. But it was quite thrilling to share my soul mate with strangers! They were so supportive. They smiled and affirmed my every word. I silently prayed to God that our dreams would come true.

Finally, we were all given some tips on things to expect when your soul mate arrives on the scene:

• Your soul mate will be just as smitten with you as you are with them. Alice says that she has seen many people fall in love with someone who has no interest in them. This unrequited love puzzles them. However, they are attracted to this person because this person has features that closely resemble their soul mate’s features. All of this time they have been pining away for the wrong person.

• You and your soul mate will share “crackling chemistry.” You will connect with this person in a way you have never connected with anyone else. Your body will often react with glee when this person is around. Your soul mate will be wowed over you!

• Your so-called fatal flaws will become the source of you and your soul mate’s healing moments. Alice recalled a client who was very embarrassed by acne scars on her stomach. One day, her soul mate pushed back the covers and kissed her all over her stomach. He called her scars a beautiful constellation.

So what do we do in the meantime? In the meantime, we should not settle. We should continue doing the inner work that makes us feel worthy of love. Alice says we could even buy gifts or write letters to our soul mate to keep the connection alive. More importantly, we should enjoy being single. Now we have the luxury of time to get our lives in order, make room for love.

As I headed to my car, I could have sworn I saw a shooting star. I blew a kiss to my soul mate just in case.

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Break Free With The Color Purple

Words by Te-Erika

If you look closely you can find inspiration in everything. The way the trees sway, never defying the breeze, the tiny ants working to gather food each taking on the role they were given in this world, or even the blessing of self reflection that loneliness brings.

Hollywood has capitalized on spreading various messages through the use of film. Beneath the remarkable soundtracks, famous faces and thought provoking dialogue if we take a moment to look, we can find inspiration in each story told.

The Color Purple, the movie version of Alice Walker’s acclaimed novel which was released in 1985 instantly became a movie classic with its message of redemption and enduring hard times painted colorfully through the eyes of a Southern family.

The main character, Celie, portrayed by Whoopi Goldberg, hit bottom as she was given to a man in marriage who neither loved nor respected her. This marriage further isolated her from the idea of love, continued to wear on her self esteem and she resigned herself to the life that had been given to her.

After years of sitting down, Celie announced to she was leaving her husband and in leaving, regained a sense of life and purpose.

Dialogue excerpts from the movie:

[after telling Albert that she and her husband are leaving] Celie is coming with us.
Albert: What?
Shug: Celie is coming with us to Memphis.
Albert: Over my dead body.
Shug: You satisfied? That what you want?
Albert: [to Celie] NOW What's wrong with you?
Celie: You a low down dirty dog, that's what's wrong. Time for me to get away from you, and enter into Creation. And your dead body'd be just the welcome mat I need.

Albert: Look at you. You're black, you're poor, you're ugly, you're a woman. You're nothin' at all!

Albert: shoulda locked you up. Just let you out to work.
Celie: The jail you plan for me is the one you gonna rot in!
Albert: I'ma knock you under...
[Celie holds up a sign with her fingers]
Celie: Everything you done to me, already been done to you.
[Celie gets in car]
Celie: I'm poor, black, I may even be ugly, but dear God I'm here, I'm here!

The film ends when Celie, her sister Nettie and the children who were stolen from her are re-united, decades after they were torn apart. This reunion signifies that the losses of life are restored when we have the courage to stand up for what we deserve.

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No Disrespect: Why I Let Go

Words by Te-Erika


29-year-old Charlene** knows the uphill battle that breaking free from an unhealthy relationship presents. She had to fight blow by blow for her self esteem after a 4 year relationship with the father of her child.

“I would take more disrespect from a boyfriend than I would from a job,” Charlene admits. “Maybe with a job, you know there’s more out there for you, but with a boyfriend you just hope it will get better.”

It was the hope that time would heal her shaky relationship that caused Charlene to hold on. She looked forward to each morning because each new day brought the expectation that things would be different. “Maybe tomorrow he will stop cheating,” she often told herself. “Maybe tomorrow he will stop lying to me. I at least have to stay until tomorrow to see what happens.”

Charlene soon realized that their relationship would never change because she continued to accept his behavior and give him chance after chance.

“The problem is men never feel the pain of our threats to leave because when we tell them we’re through, they step up their game just enough until we are satisfied then they do it again,” she says.

The mental drain of the tumultuous relationship often took a toll on her mental health. “I started to question my own sanity,” she says. “All the things I found like the women’s underwear in my apartment or letters from different women, he always had an excuse. I used to think, there’s a 10% chance that he is telling the truth. What if I walk away and find out that he was being honest with me?”

One day she woke up and had an epiphany. “Ain’t that many excuses in the world,” she realized.
“That 10% of faith that I had left, finally turned into nothing and I was able to walk away. Now I know that if I was still with him, nothing would be different. He has been in other relationships since then and he does the same things to them,” she says.

When Charlene left her child’s father she admits to having serious issues with her self esteem and her sense of direction. “I was so unhealthy within my heart and soul,” Charlene recounts. “I hate to say I out of my mouth that I let another person get me to the point where I thought I wasn’t shit and I didn’t deserve better. It really does happen.”

The road to recovery didn’t end in those first months filled with self doubt and loneliness. “Once I broke free from him, I realized that I didn’t have to worry about him anymore. I went out and made some friends and started having fun again without worrying about what he was up to.”

There’s only one message that Charlene wishes to send out to other women who are facing the same battles. “I wish someone would have told me that my instincts were there for a reason,” she says. “Quit trying to turn it off and ignore it. You’ll never have better until you believe you can.”

**Name changed to protect privacy.

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Plan Your Way Of Escape

Words by Te-Erika

When your life satisfaction level is drained from negativity and fear, you won’t reclaim your happiness until you do something about it.

Recognize the situation and it’s causes. Write down how you feel and gain a firm understanding of the root of the situation. It may be your own insecurities, but if your discomfort stems from the actions of another person, you must take control of your emotions and evaluate whether you can work to change the situation.

Understand that no one’s actions should cause you to feel depressed or fearful.

Talk to the person about the situation and voice your concerns. If no correction is made it may be time to try a different approach.

Tell someone. Talk out your feelings with someone you can trust like a religious official or a counselor. This may help you determine if your feelings are a cause for a quick exit or if you are being irrational. Even if the person you speak with disagrees with your viewpoint, please understand that your feelings are always valid and important.

If no one is available to listen try calling these hotlines. They have trained professionals who are dedicated to hearing you out and offering words of advice and comfort.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-784-2433



Plan your escape by gathering the resources necessary to move on.

If it is a job situation that is killing your spirit, minimize your lifestyle by cutting off excessive luxuries and look for another job immediately.

If it is an abusive relationship that is causing fear and pain in your life, find ways to move away from it. Talk to a family member and ask for help in letting go.

If it is a family member that is pouring toxic ideas and fears into your life, gradually distance yourself from this person by any means necessary.

Your emotional health and happiness is important. You have one life to live and you will waste it if you do not gather the courage to stand up for yourself and focus on the end result. Things may seem unstable for a short period, but the benefits you gain from taking control of your life will last for the rest of your days.

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3 Important Reasons Why You Should Walk Away From An Unhealthy Relationship

Words by Te-Erika

Meditate on these 3 important reasons why you should plan your quick exit from an unhealthy situation.

1) It will contaminate the rest of your relationships.

When you are involved in an unhealthy relationship, whether it is a romantic relationship, an unhealthy work environment or a toxic relationship with a family member, the negative energy you collect when dealing with these people will be transferred over to the people you love.

You might find yourself being fussy with your children or less tolerant with your spouse. You may snap at co-workers who are not even involved in contributing to your unrest. This creates an even more miserable existence.

It is important that you relieve yourself and your loved ones of this type of abuse by removing yourself from the relationship or situation completely.

2) You will lose focus on your dreams.

A direct result of being in an abusive or unhealthy relationship is the way it sabotages your dreams. You begin to believe that you can not move past the situation and fall deeply into the abyss of despair unable to pull yourself out.

You start to believe the negative words spoken to you and the opinions of your antagonist gains power over your life therefore controlling your destiny. Take back your power and position yourself to walk away for the sake of your future.

3)You will delay the blessing that is waiting for you.

Sometimes it takes releasing yourself from a bad situation in order to receive the blessing that is in store for you. No door shuts without another one being opened, so unless you build the courage to walk away, you will never know what is out there waiting for you.

Many people have told stories of walking away on faith, believing that they deserved more and ultimately they received it because their unflinching desire for a better life demanded that they have what they deserve.

Demand the best for your life by first imagining a better situation, believing you can have it and then planning your exit.

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REACTION: Juanita Bynum Beaten By Husband

Words by Te-Erika

An Essence.com blog entry by CNN Correspondent Roland Martin reports that Juanita Bynum was beaten by her preacher husband Thomas Weeks III, in a parking lot in Atlanta late Wednesday night.

We watched her as she proclaimed NO MORE SHEETS. We rejoiced with her as she fought the demons of her past in the public eye as she allowed God to create in her a new woman.

Woe to the woman who we all looked to for guidance. After escaping an abusive past and clinging to the Lord, we all rejoiced when God presented her with a life mate. In her happiness, we found hope. In her joy, we gained faith.

This report baffles women everywhere. We may question, "Where is God in all of this? What kind of God would give a gift like this?" But as we question ourselves, ask God for clarity and begin to heal from the pain of our sister's situation, we must remember that God still reigns. No one is immune from the attacks of the enemy and no woman who has faced this situation lacks the capacity to move on from it.

I know why I faced abusive situations in the past. I know why I experienced lack and despair. There was purpose behind the mess I got myself into due to poor choices and disobedience. The purpose lies in the message I will give to both women and men. It is great to honor women like Juanita who gave us so much inspiration, but we can't idolize anyone's situation or blessings because we never know the truth of what goes on behind closed doors.

At one point you believed that if God could do it for her, He could do it for you. But now you're not so sure.

Don't be disheartened. Here is your lesson for today.

We have to know God for ourselves. We have to trust God that even though this happened, her situation does not dictate our future just as though her blessings are not God's promises to everyone.

I won't place the blame entirely on her husband, sometimes as women we tend to push men to their limits, challenging them in ways that provoke violence and abuse. And we know what we're doing when we do it.

We don't realize what power we have over men. Our tone and intentions guide them in their treatment of us. When an argument is becoming heated, we should never fuel the flame by becoming rowdy or fighting fire with fire. It should never become an issue of who is right and who is wrong. It should be an issue of compromise, an issue of asking ourselves, "How can we make this better?"

Violence, in any situation, shows a lack of the ability to communicate thoughts or emotions effectively. It shows the powerlessness of the initiator to use the God given gift of reason and strips away the beauty of humanity. Violence, anchored in the desire to gain forceful submission, displays a lack of respect for the victim as well as the lack of self respect of the initiator.

As we watch and pray for her speedy recovery, we should also pray that God reveal some powerful lessons all across the globe, in her personal life and ours.

Don't lose hope because of this revelation. Don't turn your back on God because of what happened to her. Trust the God within to heal her spirit and return her to the place of His everlasting promise and trust that you will one day receive yours too.

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FREE Your Mind- Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship

Words by Te-Erika

Throughout your lifetime, you will engage in a variety of relationships with a lot of people. From friendships to dating to casual acquaintances, the experiences that you encounter during these relationships will ultimately affect how you treat the new people who come into your life.

Most of the time, these relationships are fun and add to our lives in an important way. Other times, however, these relationships can be unhealthy and can become harmful to you or other people involved. Unhealthy relationships can be detrimental because either you or the other party involved can get hurt physically or emotionally.

While physical bruises heal, they often lead to psychological scarring that may take even longer to heal. Emotional bruises, due to physical or emotional abuse may lead to fear of social interaction an unhealthy mistrust of people.

This information guide was created to help you to understand the signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship and to learn ways to change a bad situation.

What is a healthy relationship?
In healthy relationships you and the person you are interacting with feel good about each other and yourselves. You spend time with one another and are comfortable talking about how you feel about each other. There is a mutual respect of ideas and opinions and a loving support of each other’s goals and lifestyle choices.

You might disagree or argue at certain times but in healthy relationships there is often a compromise met when both people put the success of the relationship above their own personal pride.

What is an unhealthy relationship?
An unhealthy relationship is one that that is rooted in something other than a mutual respect and admiration for each other. You spend time together out of obligation or fear of loneliness. That person’s opinion or presence in your life takes precedence over your own opinions or contentment with yourself.

When you are involved in an unhealthy relationship at times you feel as though you are still alone. You are afraid to speak your mind because of how it may affect the other person which forces you to hide who you really are.

Most unhealthy relationships are about control. Their controlling behavior stems from their own insecurity. They don't believe they are worthy to have someone love them of their own free will, so they will force their partner to be with them by using subtle or blatant tactics like these:

Giving ultimatums
Extreme pressure to comply
Denying affection or attention
Threatening to harm themselves or take away loved ones
Physical or verbal abuse
Emotional abuse
Sexual abuse

Q: My boyfriend gets mad if I hang out with other people. He says that he should be my best friend. I love him but I love my other friends too. What do I do now?

Talk to your boyfriend about why he doesn’t like you to hang out with other people. Most likely, his reasoning is rooted in insecurity. Explain to him that it is important that you spend time together, but it is just as important that you spend time apart sometimes, this way you will value each other’s presence more.

If he still disagrees then you have to weigh your personal freedom against the love he has shown you. Is love really about control? Is love really represented in anxiety or fear? It’s not.

Slowly make your transition away from this relationship. It won’t change if you get married or engaged. If he is controlling you now and you submit to his demands, he will only continue to do the same thing because you have taught him that you accept it.


Q: My girlfriend refuses to have sex with me if I don’t meet her demands. Sometimes our relationship seems to be at a standstill when I won’t give in. What do I do?

Let it go. A relationship is not supposed to be a tug of war. It’s not about winning or losing. A healthy relationship is a road paved with compromise and the best relationships are those where individual place each other’s needs before their own.

If each individual in a relationship is consistently looking out for the emotional needs of the other person involved their needs are fulfilled and appreciated. The couple who supports each other in every way, will continue to grow into a stable lifetime relationship.

What are the signs that I am in an abusive or unhealthy relationship?
There are many signs that you could be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. If these statements describe your relationship you don’t have to wonder if you are at risk.

Your friend or the person you are going out with:

 bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do
 tells you what to wear, who to talk to, where you can go
 is violent towards people or animals
 pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don't want to do
 tries to pressure you to form harmful habits
 degrades you or uses foul language toward you
 publicly humiliates you
 punishes you
 has physically hurt you
 is possessive of your time and attention
 tells you that you will never find anyone better

If you are questioning whether or not your relationship is unhealthy, here’s your answer: It probably is.

Remember, relationships are voluntary. We live in a free society that does not mandate marriage or dating. It is your choice to walk away or break free. You owe it to yourself and your future children to gather the strength and live free from fear.

Love yourself more.

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Tonight Is The Night The World Begins Again

Words by Te-Erika

Today is the day.

This is the hour.

Now is your time.

You have been wallowing in mess, overcome with grief and feeling powerless about your situation. You may not even believe that you deserve a second chance. You may feel like there’s nothing out there for you. You may be thinking that this pain is all there is to life.

You’re wrong.

Have you cried yourself to sleep at night asking yourself, “What’s wrong with me?”

Do you find yourself taking the blame when others disrespect you?

Have you stopped praying because you feel that prayer is useless against the attacks of those inflicting the pain?

Are you unsure about whether or not you can make it through another day?

You can.

There’s a fighter inside of you armed and ready to be released. There’s a promise of Better Days ahead if you decide that you deserve it.

PULL yourself up out of your slump by sheer determination. PLAN your way of escape. FORGIVE yourself for staying in the situation. MOVE forward with your plans as though the road behind you is falling away.

Allow this song of hope from the Goo Goo Dolls to ease your mind as you continue your day. When night falls, it is your signal to make a choice about the rest of your life.

Through faith and self-love you will walk away, heal and be free.

“Tonight’s the night the world begins again.” Lyrics from Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls.

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TV Land- Sweet Releases

Words by Mwabi Murdock

Share My Dream Television Writer

Hollywood is a unique place when it comes to the nature of the relationships it produces. At one glitzy premiere a starlet is professing her undying love to her leading man and during the next premiere she has a new man on her arm proclaiming the same sentiments. Keeping up can be quite confusing. Relationships, even those among the superstars, have seasons. Some relationships last for eternity and some are best left alone. Some celebrities get it right the first time while others take a few detours before landing their perfect match. Here are examples of celebrities that have moved on from past relationships and are happier because of it.

Ali Landry and Mario Lopez
90’s kids know Mario Lopez from Saved By the Bell where he played muscle clad AC Slater. Ali Landry’s fame grew when she stared in Doritos commercials. They met in 1998 when she was doing TV commentary for the Miss USA Pageant that he was emceeing. They dated for 6 years before tying the knot. Only 6 weeks after the nuptials Ali filed for divorce. Ali found out that Mario had had a little too much fun at his bachelor party and she wasn’t having it. She knew that her true love was still out there and that he would never disrespect her in such a way. Ali was right. She met and married director Alejandro Monteverde in 2006 and her happiness is evident. Ali and Alejandro welcomed their first daughter Estela in July and are "ecstatically happy."

Mary J. Blige
Didn’t you just want to give Mary J. Blige a hug every time you heard her sing about heartache? Song after song was a cry for the love she longed for. She dated K-Ci Hailey from Jodeci and reports of them arguing were rampant in the 90’s. Just last year she recreated an embarrassing incident that occurred during their relationship for her video No More Crying. She went on a talk show and told the host that she was getting married to K-Ci not knowing that just a week earlier K-Ci told the same host that it was just a rumor. She even dated R&B crooner Case after that but that relationship didn’t change the tone of her tunes. Everything finally changed for your girl Mary when she met and eventually married Kendu Issacs. Mary says in Kendu she found her true love. Her songs and whole attitude changed to a softer tone. Her hit song We Ride celebrates true love and around the world her fans are now rejoicing with her.

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt
The world watched in horror as Angelina Jolie declared her love for her then husband Billy Bob Thorton by wearing a vile of his blood around her neck. He proved he was a gentleman and returned the favor by wearing her blood. Yeah, something was just not right about them.
Brad Pitt married Jennifer Anniston and a match in Hollywood heaven was made. What could be more perfect? It became clear as the years went by that they wanted different things. Brad yearned for children and her career was her priority.

Angelina left Billy Bob for travels around the world as a humanitarian and a United Nations goodwill ambassador. She found that being a mother was also a role she could embrace and began adopting children from Asia and Africa. Brad divorced Jennifer after deciding that fame and fortune were simply not enough. He needed purpose in his life.

As fate would have it, Brad and Angelina met on the set while filming the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith. In each other, both found what they were missing. Their union was a match made in tabloid heaven but it is obvious that they are what each other needs. Both now seem at peace. They now have four children and prefer giving their millions to worthy causes around the world instead of the Hollywood social scene.

Omar Epps
When the love for his co-star Sanaa Lathan in Love & Basketball carried over from the big screen to real life, fans believed in love again. They showed up at premieres together and everything looked solid. Fans just knew wedding bells would ring soon. Shortly after they broke up and Omar reconnected with his ex-girlfriend Keisha Spivey, the former lead singer for the R&B group Total. In a May 2007 Jet magazine article Omar says, “For me she was the one that got away. I always wondered why we never took it to the next level…I kind of knew she was the one immediately, but you want to tell your mind not to listen to your heart.”

Omar proposed in 2004 and were married last year. They are parents of a 2-year old daughter K’mari Mae – the name a combination of both their names. Omar didn’t give fans what they wanted by taking on-screen love to the next level but seeing how happy he now is with Keisha makes up for it.

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From The Editor- Ending An Unhealthy Relationship

Dear Dreamers,

Of all of the fantasies that you have for your life, learning to end unhealthy relationships is one of the most important.

When you are able to identify how these toxic work, romantic or family relationships block your path to your brightest future, you will begin to recognize how one solid choice on your part to escape will set you in motion towards your desired end.

For the next two weeks we will meet people who have walked away from abusive and unhealthy situations in order to help themselves heal and embrace life. We will share tips on how to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship, how to manifest your soulmate and how to break up with class among other life changing life lessons.

You don’t need to do anything but sit back and be fed from those who have been there and lived to tell their success story. This is not the end of the road for you. Others have survived and were made stronger through the process.

Read this story about a woman from the Bible named Tamar. She was forced into a situation that wasn’t her choice and lived through the self inflicted torment of her situation. You can make it through. You will live to see brighter days.

The first step is to see yourself on the other side of the mountain enjoying the carefree days of freedom from bondage, whole and healthy, loving your life.

Take a moment to write out how you imagine your fantasy life will be. Be sure to include descriptions of who you are with, where you are and what your new experiences will be like.

Post this vision on your bathroom mirror and read it everyday. Since your imagination conceived it, it is more than feasible. Stand up and walk into your new life, one step at a time.

Love,

Te-Erika

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